


5 Times Loki and the team worked cross-purposes (and one time Billy and Teddy got through)

by Norickayer



Series: The One with BLT [4]
Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Young Avengers
Genre: Domesticity, Established Relationship, Genderqueer Character, Loki is sometimes a girl and never ever a guy, Other, Polyamory, codas, sequel hook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 19:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2359103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Norickayer/pseuds/Norickayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because Loki is working for the All-Mother doesn’t mean she’s forgotten about her friends. Codas to issues 1, 2, 4, and 5 of Loki: Agent of Asgard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Times Loki and the team worked cross-purposes (and one time Billy and Teddy got through)

**Author's Note:**

> Loki has a nonbinary gender! Loki's pronouns are ze/zir/zir when ze isn't currently a girl. Mostly because those are my pronouns and I want to practice/normalize using them, but also because I feel like this Loki would.
> 
> Check out [Pronoun Learning](http://pronounlearning.tumblr.com/index) for more info on alternative pronouns, or look up a [pronoun chart](http://whatdoesenbymean.tumblr.com/post/56721364995/cairo-overcoat-gendersmall-for-anyone-too) for conjugation help.
> 
> The numbers before the scenes designate which issue of Loki:Agent of Asgard it takes place in.

1.

“-Held in such high esteem/ when people see me they will scream/ As part of New York’s favorite _team_! The Captain and- oh have we stopped singing?” Billy lowers the ketchup bottle he was using as a microphone.

“How long have you been listening?” Loki asks, fighting a blush. Billy smiles, falsely nonchalant.

“Pretty much the whole time.”

“Lovely. Where’s Teddy?” Loki glances around, hoping to catch a glimpse of blond hair through one of the doorways.

Billy shrugs and goes to put the ketchup bottle away. “I dunno. Probably hiding from the showtunes.”

“Tell him to lock up when you leave; I have to go.”

Billy’s grin drops. “ _What_? Why?

Loki walks away toward zir room, one hand on zir towel to keep it in place. “Duty calls!”

“What, in the last ten minutes?” Billy demands. “You’ll miss the team meeting! You know, the first time we’re all going to be in the same place since- well, _ever_?”

“Oh,” Loki says, pausing in zir perusal of zir closet, “You’re right. Tell Tommy to make sarcastic comments and mock your haircut in my stead.”

Loki and Billy’s twin get along entirely too well. Billy is starting to regret introducing them.

Billy imposes his body between Loki and the closet.

“ _Loki_. Why are you getting cold feet?”

Loki scoffs. “I’m really not. The All-Mother requires my considerable talents.”

“Uhuh,” Billy says skeptically. “And why didn’t you tell me this an hour ago, when we _weren’t_ just about to leave for the meeting?”

“Didn’t know then.”

There is a pause as Loki gives up on the closet and opens a drawer instead.

“Your mom gave you a mission in the shower?”

“You see now why I wasn’t more forthcoming with details.”

“And you were...” Billy looks pointedly at Loki’s body. Loki drops the towel and quirks zir lips in a smirk. Ze poses a bit.

“I assure you, my mother has seen it before.”

“Yeah but it’s still-“ Billy makes a series of hand gestures that Loki does not even begin to decode.

“Mmm, jealous someone else has been admiring your handiwork?” Loki drawls, pulling Billy closer.

“ _Teddy_ admires my handiwork all the time,” Billy points out breathlessly before pressing his lips against Loki’s neck. Loki actually purrs, which Billy is pretty sure ze does on purpose in a misguided attempt at being seductive. It’s kind of endearing anyway.

“The mission can wait an hour or so,” Loki temps, carding a hand through Billy’s hair. Zir other hand slides under his shirt. Billy whines into zir shoulder.

“The meeting can’t. If _both_ of us don’t show, Kate will never let me hear the end of it.”

Loki is disappointed, but trying not to show it. Billy can tell anyway.

“And what are you doing looking through your closet like you’re going to put on one of your ‘ironic’ t-shirts? You know you’re wearing your stupid costume,” Billy adds.

“And miss our lovely conversation?” Loki rubs a thumb against the skin of Billy’s stomach for emphasis.

Billy throws a shirt at zir head.

“So you’re done with the singing?” Teddy asks in greeting when they meet him in the foyer. “We ready to go?”

Billy sighs. “Loki isn’t coming with us.” He crosses his arms in frustration.

Teddy shrugs. “Alright, but I’m not defending you when Kate and David try to vote you off the team.”

Loki grins like a shark. “They can try.” It’s not like being stricken from the official team roster would stop Loki from showing up.

Billy catches zir arm. “At least try to put in an appearance?”

“We’ll see how my mission goes. It’s _fairly_ simple. I could make it back before the meeting ends.”

“Just try,” Teddy asks.

Three hours later, Loki is sitting in chains deep within Avengers Tower. If ze escapes now and manages to make it to the subway in time, _maybe_ ze could make the end of the meeting with the Young Avengers. But Thor just offered zir a beer, and ze figures that being locked up by the Avengers will be a great excuse when ze tells Billy and Teddy later, so ze smiles at zir brother and decides to put the escape off until later.

MEANWHILE

“Aw, hell. Teddy, I found your evil fuckbuddy,” Kate announces.

Billy looks up from playing _Rise of Berk_ on his phone. Eli and Tommy are arguing about the exact amount of collateral damage the team should consider ‘acceptable’. Tommy is arguing for more, Eli for less. Billy might be more invested in the distinction if they hadn’t devolved into screaming at each other ten minutes ago.

“What, Loki? Ze’s not our fuckbuddy, ze’s-“

“Not remotely the point,” Kate interrupts, “Ze broke into Avengers Tower and fucked with their computers. And stabbed Thor, or something? I dunno, Clint’s autocorrect is acting up.”

 Billy covers his face with his hands and groans loudly.

“The Avengers database is connected to SHIELD’s and about a dozen others,” David says sharply, “There’s no telling the damage Loki could have done-“

“Ze said it was a mission from Asgardia,” Teddy tries to explain, but it’s hard to defend Loki when ze being- well- _Loki_.

“Ze _said_ ,” America repeats, scoffing.

Kate goes back to her phone, trying to ring more details out of the older Hawkeye.

Teddy tentatively pats Billy on the back.

“Remember when we weren’t dating a Norse god?” Billy asks miserably.

“Also, Clint says Loki looks like a lost Jonas brother.”

Teddy laughs so hard, he cries.

 

2.

“Whatchadoing?”

Loki’s head jerks up at the unexpected question. She looks to her left. No one is there.

“Geeze,youreadalotofnewspapers,” the voice adds. No one is to her right, either, but the pile of newspapers Loki had precariously stacked on the coffee table is now scattered across the floor.

“Speed,” Loki growls, “Who let you into my home?”

“Aw, I thought we were friends!” Tommy Shepard says, looking not at all sorry. He’s stolen her coffee mug.

He doesn’t even have the decency to be wearing his superhero costume while taunting a Norse god. Instead, he’s wearing ‘fashionably’ torn jeans and a purple hoodie that Loki thinks he probably stole from Kate.

Loki raises a hand in Tommy’s direction. A sickly green light gathers ominously at her fingertips.

Tommy stares for a moment, then salutes her.

“Thanksgottagobye!” he calls as he zips around the room one last time before leaving through the front door. The mug is left spinning on the table. Lukewarm coffee drips down the side.

Loki growls low under her breath. She likes Tommy, usually. They are very similar people. Loki really should have considered the downside to this before.

The room is a mess, with papers lying just about everywhere, including draped across the ceiling fan. Also, he somehow managed to turn off her laptop without her noticing.

Loki sighs. She’ll come back to the search later. Taking a short break won’t allow Lorelei to escape her. And maybe if she spends some time with Billy and Teddy, one of them can be convinced to clean up this mess.

In the hallway outside of Loki’s apartment, Billy Kaplan slips his twin brother a twenty.

 -

“Where the heck is Loki?”

Billy looks up to find his fiancé leaning over the couch. They’re both in Loki’s apartment, although the god zirself is elsewhere. It didn’t used to happen so frequently, but Loki isn’t allowed at the Kaplan house anymore after the incident with the water balloons, so Loki’s place quickly became the triad’s go-to hangout space.

“Why?” Billy asks cautiously.

“Look at these pictures ze’s sending me.” Teddy shoves his phone into Billy’s face. Billy takes it, if only out of self-defense.

They’re candid shots of couples sitting at tables. A young blonde woman sitting with a guy who looks like a used-car salesman. A severe-looking woman in a striped tank top. A couple who look like they’re about to murder each other. At first Billy is combing the photos for anything that Loki would find funny, but after glancing through three of them, he starts to notice a trend.

“They’re all wearing nametags,” Billy tells Teddy.

“There’s little numbers on the tables too. And look,” Teddy points out too photos, “This girl here at table 8 is in two pictures with different guys.” Billy tries to put these pieces together.

“Is ze _speed dating_?”

Billy leans back and lets his head thump against the back of the couch. He can say one thing: dating Loki is never boring. “If Loki hooks up with some random person, I’m breaking up with zir.”

“Lighten up, ze’s probably on a mission.” Teddy studies the newest photo- one of a woman with auburn hair and full sleeve tattoos. He’s probably right- if Loki was going to cheat on them, ze wouldn’t be likely to text them photos of it. Still-

“Ze never finished zir _last_ mission, did ze?”

“Depends, does this girl look Asgardian to you?”

 

4.

Billy and Teddy have been out of the city on a Young Avengers mission for the past four days, and Loki is not above admitting that ze is lonely. That’s probably why ze thought it would be a good idea to invite Verity Willis over to the apartment for dinner (Well, that and Verity’s part of Loki’s schemes).

Well, _all_ of it was carefully _planned_ to take place during a Young Avengers mission, if Loki is being completely honest (as ze so rarely is). While yes, it would be easier to turn invisible, distract Heimdall, and break into an impenetrable vault with Billy and Teddy at zir side, ze really doesn’t want them involved in this.

Ze’s really gotten them into enough trouble this year. In fact, this team is constructed to prevent anyone from ruining their good name (other than Loki). Verity’s involvement is fairly low-key and will probably be ignored by Asgardia. The All-Mother will probably just think her a human pawn of Loki’s if they notice her existence at all. Thor, the golden child, is unlikely to share any blame at all with the plausible deniability Loki has built into the scheme.

As for Sigurd and Lorelei, well, they’re on Asgardia’s shit list anyway. No harm done.

Out of sight isn’t out of mind, though. Loki makes sure to snap a photo of Thor in his stupid t-shirt for Billy. Dating _one_ Norse god has not dimmed his obsession with Asgard at all.

“This is a _mission,_ and if you choose to accept it, you are my agents.,” Loki announces with a theatric sweep of zir hands, “ So. Who’s with me?”

 

5.

The face of Old Loki (as well as quite a few screaming faces of the child ze murdered) laughs back at zir from the bathroom mirror. After the day ze’s had, ze can’t even bring zirself to be surprised.

Ze shatters the glass with a quick bolt of magic. It isn’t helpful or particularly smart, but it feels good, like slamming the door in your boss’ face. Loki knows it won’t make zir situation better, and ze’ll have to deal with the consequences later. Still. Fuck that guy.

Loki can’t be bothered to move but there are shards of glass all over, so ze slumps down onto the edge of the tub. Ze rests zir forehead against one hand, golden metal biting into zir palm. There must be some way out, some loophole or trick that can be played.

There _must_ be! There’s _always_ a way!

Instead of possibilities, Loki’s thoughts are whirlpool, pulling zir down in an inevitable spiral.

“ _I am your future_ ,” the other Loki had said. Your future.

“Fuck,” Loki rasps out.

“Loki?”

Not now. Not tonight. Why couldn’t the Young Avengers take just a few more hours to save the world or defeat the forces of evil or whatever?

Maybe if Loki is quiet, they’ll go back to the Kaplan house. Maybe Loki will have just a bit more time to figure out a plan before-

“There you are- shit what happened to your mirror? Did your mom pay you a visit again?” Billy is standing in the doorway, because of course he would show up right now. Loki is beginning to regret giving the boys a key to the apartment.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t-?” Billy prompts.

“I _can’t_!” Loki reiterates, “I can’t right now, go home!” ze demands. Loki’s eyes are aching and zir throat is burning and fuck, no, ze can’t cry right now, they’ll never leave if ze _cries-!_

“Why so mopey? That’s kinda my gig.” Billy says, because he’s decent like that. This is why Lokis generally avoid decent people. He squats down so that he’s on the same level with Loki. Ze drops zir eyes to the floor to avoid his gaze.

“Oh, nothing,” Loki says with false enthusiasm. “Just found out that I’m destined to be evil forever and always. You know. Family stuff.”

“Ok, cut down on the sarcasm and explain what the hell that means,” Teddy suggests. He’s not in Loki’s line of sight, but to be fair the only things Loki can see clearly are the tile floor and Billy’s sneakers. Teddy’s probably standing in the doorway now. The bathroom can’t fit all three of them comfortably.

“My future came for a visit today,” Loki tells them, “I can’t change. We’ll all be right back where we started from with Loki-the-villain and Asgard-the-righteous. Also I probably take over Midgard, ze was being intentionally vague but it was pretty clear from the subtext.”

“Ze? Ze who?”

Loki sighs impatiently. “If you must demand an explanation out of me, kindly allow me to set my own pace!”

“Fine, fine,” Billy holds up his hands in surrender- Loki can see that, at least.

“You don’t have to tell us right now,” Teddy says. Teddy says stuff like that a lot. It’s probably a result of dating Billy so long, or maybe it’s an intrinsic part of Teddy’s personality. Teddy is incredibly patient and understanding, and Loki is more than a little surprised to be the beneficiary of that attitude for once.

Loki does need to tell them now. If ze doesn’t, ze never will. Loki will convince zirself that no one needs to know, that the future could be counteracted by dedicated avoidance of the subject.

“I met a future Loki. Ze couldn’t lie to me, not with Gram stuck in zir chest. Ze said I’m destined to go back to my old tricks.”

“A stable time loop?” Billy wonders. They all read up on time travel after their own adventure with it.

“Or ze’s not from your future, but from an alternate timeline,” Teddy points out. “It could be that ze’s a future, but not necessarily yours.” Loki shakes zir head.

“I can feel the gravity of the old stories. They pull me in, try to force me back into old shapes, old patterns. I can resist as much as I like, but eventually…” Loki trails off. Eventually, the child’s death will be for naught.

“No.” Teddy’s voice is firm and deep, like packed earth. “We’re not doing this again.”

Teddy loves Loki. He really does. He knows that reverting back to the Old Loki would mean destruction of the person he knows. He knows how much damage and harm Old Loki can cause. By themselves, these would be sufficient reasons to defy Loki’s prediction.

But it’s more than that: Teddy _needs_ to stop this. He needs to help Loki because they couldn’t save Iron Lad. They couldn’t save Cassie or Teddy’s mom or Captain Marvel, and Teddy can’t lose someone else to the unforgiving timesteam again.

“Teddy-“ Billy starts to say, but Teddy doesn’t need a grounding influence or practicality right now. He needs idealism. He needs stubbornness. He needs the sheer bloody-minded determination that will allow them to fight fate and _win_.

“The future hasn’t affected our time yet,” Teddy says, “It’s not inevitable. It _can_ be changed without destroying our present. Yeah, that Loki could be telling the truth, but it could be a trick, or a fake. Don’t give me that look, ze’s a Loki, ze could have managed it. So long as there’s a possibility ze’s wrong, we have a chance.”

“A chance for _what_?” Loki hisses through tears.

“To be a hero,” Teddy tells zir. “That’s what you’re supposed to be doing, right? To wipe out your crimes?”

“It’s not enough!”

“We’ll make it enough!” Billy replies desperately. “We’ll make a blog, take it viral, show the whole world, I don’t care! We’re not going to let you go!”

Loki swallows and looks up at the boys, gathered around Loki’s tiny bathroom. Zir tears are drying on zir face, zir pulse is dropping, approaching normal. The overwhelming despair is retreating, replaced by- maybe not hope. Purpose.

“A blog?” Loki asks through a dry throat.

“Or something,” Billy continues, undaunted. “A YouTube series, maybe? We could film some heroism, make you an internet celebrity.”

“The internet loves a pretty face,” Teddy grins, “That should distract from at least some of your crimes, right?”

“We’d have to make it truly epic, worthy of songs and legends,” Loki warns, beginning to smile despite zirself.

Teddy and Billy look at each other, considering.

“Do you still have that D&D handbook?” Billy asks. Loki nods, bemused.

“I think I could handle being a Dungeon Master,” Billy says, flexing his fingers, “So let’s send you on a Quest.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> And here we have the set-up for the Big Damn Sequel to [Be Careful Making Wishes in the Dark](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2230929): ["The Saga of Loki: Hero of Earth-616"](http://archiveofourown.org/series/158198), aka "Loki and America's Excellent Adventure"
> 
> But I'm posting the Billy/Loki/Teddy porn first, so be prepared for that.
> 
> Feel free to write up a comment if you’ve gotten this far- otherwise I don’t know what’s working and what isn’t in these fics- are there lines you especially like? Was there a piece of dialogue that fell flat? Let me know!


End file.
